Dear Anita and Nina Sakura,

Thank you so much for your kind replies, that feels very warming.

Anita, yes I think living in this place is working for me, it is a good place with good energy, a lot of meditation and yoga and other things, he had a lot of crystals and does a lot of other spiritual practises, which probably influence the energy of the place in a positive way. I have always been sceptical when people talk about the energy of a place because I usually don’t feel that, but here I notice that I am starting to have a bit more clarity of mind and manage to relax a little bit.
However I still find it difficult with trusting and believing, which are probably mainly my issues. I tend to overadapt and trying to please, and than to completely lose touch with the way I’m feeling or what I think and then it all gets very messy. It is difficult but I guess that I can expect to get rid of such a strong and deeply rooted patterns in a few weeks. They are being brought to light more here, because it is such a relaxed place here. Facing these things are the first step, but they can be hard and often drive me crazy.

Nina Sakura, thank you for your encouragement and to put it so nicely 🙂 Haha it is a lot easier to let these demons overpower us, but not very helpful.
I realise now that the isolated way in which I was living in the past years, has been very unhealthy and damaging for me.
I will stay with this host for a few more weeks, and next month I will move on to I don’t know where.
At some point in the next months I need to settle again, and find a place to live and a job and all that. I will need to pay more attention to making connections within the community, meeting more people and finding people that I can trust and relate with. Last week I saw a flyer for a group where people meet about mental health, and I think that might be very good for me, to have a safe place where I can talk about these things and support each other. I even think I might consider the availability of something like that, when I choose the town to live.
In the meantime, while still travelling and volunteering, I will also have to look after this. Making connections with people and daring to trust them and to express something of myself, in an appropriate way, so that I can get different opinions and inputs that help me to keep a more healthy way of thinking. That is what happened here with writing in Tinybuddha, and I find it easier to be open for what others say on the internet, but I will need to learn to let it happen in real life as well.

Thank you, I am so grateful for this community of caring people.