And, about the communication with this host.
I guess it’s about ‘doing what works’.
I do not feel very well with certain ways of his communication – and I think that was actually playing a part when I wrote this first post here, the fact that I didn’t express to him how I felt about that made me probably go much more into ‘finding fault’-mode – , but I am here for a few months, I guess it is not important enough to put these things right. If he was a friend or my partner it would be different, then maybe it would be more important to let him know that I don’t like certain things. Maybe just let go and focus on the positive things that I have here, to a certain degree – I mean, I guess if it goes too far for my, I need to put some boundary.

Last week I did choose to tell him that I didn’t like the way he had asked me about my sexual experiences a week earlier. I found it very direct, and I didn’t appreciate it, but found it hard to say in the moment. He first said sorry and then got irritated and said that I should know by now that he doesn’t mean to offend anybody and that he means well. So I told myself, that I shouldn’t have told him that and I should have thought the way he wants me to think.
But: I did feel uncomfortable, regardless of how he meant it. I find it a struggle to give myself the right to
1) have boundaries, to acknowledge that I feel uncomfortable with certain things
2) let the other person know.

I think it is looking for a balance between not to be bothered about everything and get too hung up on all these little things, and knowing what is important for me, and putting some boundaries in a respectful way.

I have avoided this ‘social life’ for a long time because I find it so complicated and scary, but it is time to start learning it…