Anita,

Sometimes I do feel like ending things with him so I can live with a peace of mind.

Part of me wonders if I feel anxiety and stress maybe because I am forcing my feelings towards him and maybe they are not there? But I do cry everytime I think of leaving him, because he is part of me, and I would like to keep him and spark the magic between us, however feelings cannot be forced. My confusion is starting to waver between the fact that do I love him or Am I forcing myself? I feel it’s creating a cloud of worry that shouldn’t be there, something I created from my own imagination.

And about my parents, how are my parents related to this? I mean I am 25 and still live with my parents, I find it hard to express my love to them or any of my close friends, I always have this feeling of rejecting any action of love towards me. But my relationship with my parents is okay, but I don’t express a lot of love towards them and they know that its difficult for me however my actions and the things I do for them imply that at the end of the day, I care about it and that’s it. I do feel hate in my heart and the readiness to neglect people like it is something I enjoy or something.
Is it the relationship my parents have together is affecting me? They love each other but I don’t see it, it is not evident, it is very limited, especially that my dad has been depressed all his life, he doesn’t show love to mom much. Could I have been carrying the same symptoms?

Thanks for the advice Anita, psychiatrist may be an option, but I am trying to avoid that, what would my boyfriend think if he knew I have a therapist? he will freak out and misunderstand me, and I feel like each person should be able to handle their thoughts and not look for someone to explain it to them.