Dear Nina,

Thank you for your response, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, they did make me think about a few points.

I do hate to feel like I’m a burden or like people need to make a special effort for me, and anything in that family.

There is a contradiction within me as you described, because on the one hand I really need to have my own space and to be left alone a lot, on the other hand I strangely always chose partners who were very emotionally and technically available to me, meaning they had time to spend with me and wanted to be with me a lot, and this was possible because they worked from home or other life circumstances allowed for that. I never dated a busy career man who gets home late. So I am trying to figure out what this means – do I then take on the role of the busy, somehow distant one, who gets to feel needed without feeling needy, but whose needy side is perfectly satisfied by this constant, reassuring presence? At the same time I don’t really enjoy feeling needed or depended upon, it’s quite a turn off for me. And I do need space, probably more than most people.

Sorry this is coming out a bit confused and I am not answering completely to what you wrote, I guess I just took from what you said something that started this chain of thought and tried to explore it.

And I do understand what you meant by your analogy at the end, although I’m not familiar with your reference.

Thank you for your insights.