Dear Sarah,

I hope you don’t mind me writing to you even though you addressed Anita, but as you gave me as an example I would like to answer to that.
I would like you to know that I feel other things as well, not only trapped. Some of them are good things which I am happy about, and which are possible thanks to my husband. Also, I don’t feel trapped all of the time. So it’s not all misery and despair as it might seem to you right now, or to me sometimes.

I am not saying you should marry your boyfriend, nor am I saying you shouldn’t. I really don’t know and you probably don’t at this time either and that’s ok.
But I would like to tell you that taking the decision to get married has also brought me some relief from the doubts and the worry, because it is easier to accept this as a given situation, whereas when you’re not married and have these doubts, you know the possibility of a breakup is very present and real and it doesn’t always help to know that. Of course you can always get divorced as well, but it’s different. Marriage is a commitment and that can be scary, but it is also good to commit to something and to someone that way.

I don’t remember if you mentioned how old you are and whether or not this is your first long relationship?

To me it is easier now to see my patterns because I am over 30 and have had a few long relationships and also some shorter ones, so I know this always happened to me at some point. But when I was still young and inexperienced it was much more confusing and hard to tell.