Dear Anita,

Thank you for you kind comment and encouragement.

I don’t know if interacting is the right word, more connecting, which might be a totally different thing, but that aside.

I feel a bit guilty about posting here mainly about myself and not replying much to others.
But on the other side, I’m trying to get back in touch in my own life, because I was getting very out of balance. I’m trying to focus my energy on healing for myself, which is good, and only then, can I be of help for others. (not that that should be my main motivation)

I’m looking with my therapist about where I can go to help me to heal, we were talking about a certain place and hopefully it will work out to go there – it will cost me a lot of money, and I need to get visums etc, but it seems like a good place that could help me to connect with myself and others again.

I have huge trust problems. With my host as well. Yesterday I heard him saying something on the phone, about somebody else, quite negative and judgmental. While I have no idea who he was talking about, of course, because it was so negative, I was sure that it was about me. So now I wonder whether I can believe him or if he is just playing a big comedy, and I feel very at unease around him. So, yes, making a big deal about what he says about scones or jam, while my trust issues are on a much bigger level.
I don’t know if I should stay here, but at the moment I don’t think that leaving is the solution, because there is something to learn form me here. Even if it is only to be less concerned with what other people think of me, and to know myself, regardless of what others are saying. I don’t know if this is good, because I’m still in some state at the moment, and the trust issue is so huge. I’m curious to see how it goes further.
So yeah, at this moment I don’t feel like interacting much with people here anymore, because once I go towards being suspicious/paranoid, it all becomes blurry and hard to keep control of it. To my own protection, I might choose to not trust people here and keep it very distant. I have no idea..