Anita

Thankyou for your reply. I love writing, I don’t really do as much writing as I should but I want to. And you know that I am always interested in reading your thoughts.

As for the drawings – I think looking back, I didn’t really know what I was doing and I had no direction with my work, I was trying to make a lot of fantasy illustrations inspired by nature and Celtic myths but I think I was too heavily influenced by the work of other illustrators. Their work afforded me a glimpse into their imagination, their world and I wanted to be immersed in it. They were painting their truth, things that were true to them but I was just too heavily influenced. I wasn’t outright copying their work, I just hoped it would lead to me finding my own story to paint. I didn’t know what I really wanted to paint back then.

Lately I’ve been making more of an effort to illustrate people taking action, or getting ready to bite back. I want to paint perfectly flawed, perfectly ugly, perfectly damaged characters who aren’t afraid of diving deep and unearthing more ugliness, and exposing the sinister inner ugliness of the so-called “shiny happy people”. I want to paint imperfect characters as a way of sticking their fingers up to the notion that we have to always project an image of being happy and subscribing to another persons notion of perfection. I’m perfectly imperfect with my flaws, inner and outer ugliness.

I’ve painted a lot of tigers in the past few weeks or so and I feel fearless, as if by painting tigers I can assimilate the characteristics of the tiger into my own psyche. Have you ever read the poem by William Blake?

I’ve painted owls. Owls are creatures of the night, and the general consensus is that they are wise creatures. Omnipresent. Seeing in the dark, seeing things as they are. Not being scared of the dark. I feel wiser from painting and drawing owls.

I’ve also painted peacocks. Why peacocks? I’ve just always been fascinated by them, and the eye patterns on their elaborate tails. Eyes keeping a watch out. Eyes looking out for danger. Threats. Maybe the eyes are from the perceptions of other people, analysing and scrutinising. Peacocks are proud creatures, always controlled in the way they carry themselves. Pride is something I have thought a lot about over the past few weeks. Too proud to admit my flaws to other people, too proud to admit I need help sometimes and that I’m struggling. I won’t ever stop illustrating and creating art but pursuing it as a full-time job has to take a back seat at the moment because I’m not earning enough money and I was too proud to admit it.

On the subject of eyes, I wanted to share with you a song by the Cocteau Twins, one of my favourite music groups – one lyric has significance for me in this song – “I see me as other people see me.” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yapze5PaFs

First rabbits, now tigers, owls and peacocks…I’m almost tempted to claim that those are my spirit animals!

I will start writing more. I need to get back into journalling, I used to love writing this stream of consciousness kind of stuff.

Joe