Dear prakashraj:

I think it was a good choice for you to express your feelings to her when you did the first time because as a result you found out that she didn’t have similar feelings for you and therefore a love relationship was not to be.

Then you found out that continuing to have a friendship relationship with her did not serve you well: that it distressed you. So you made another good choice: you told her that you can’t be her friend.

Here is where the problem is: you continued a friend-relationship with her even though you already figured out it was harming you and even though you asserted yourself with her, telling her you can’t be her friend. She insisted on being your friend- it suited her- but it didn’t suit you. You should have done what was right for you, not what was convenient for her.

You continued the friendship, your anger grew and you released it in ways that you are unhappy about. You tried to make her un-friend you (an indirect strategy that brought about more problems).

The assertive way would have been to be very clear with her and tell her that being her friend hurts you, that you will not respond to her contacting you- and then follow through with not responding to any effort on her part to contact you.

How do you make your life better? (title of your thread)- at this point, have no contact with her (other than randomly seeing her around, which you cannot avoid). Do not talk about her to anyone. And then learn from the experience, to be assertive and direct.

What do you think about my reply to you?

anita