Dear Alex:

I don’t think that validation comes from within, not before it comes from others. There is no way for a child to validate himself. It has to come from a caretaker, an adult, a much older person validating the child, on an ongoing basis. Only after that ongoing validation in childhood, will the growing child and adult feel valid, confident.

I was not validated in childhood and did not feel confident throughout my adulthood. I had my first therapy with a competent therapist (CBT, Mindfulness) at the age of 50 and it is only recently, at 55 that I am beginning to feel valid, confident. What a long road it has been and there is still more to go.

It was my mother’s position that I was wrong: that what I thought was wrong, what I felt was wrong and what I did or didn’t do was wrong. She even claimed that I was thinking what I was not thinking and that was wrong too (that is what I was not thinking was wrong). What a torture that was. And unfortunately, I had this doubting voice all my life, often if I stated a thought, right away the doubting voice jumped inL Wrong! You are wrong!

I have much more to share about my lack of validation as a child and how the-mother-inside-me continued to invalidate me through life. But at this point I wonder if you can relate to my story so far?

anita