I don’t know what I would add to what the others have already said, so I think I will just say thank you for your post.
I have been in and out of the valley of despair many times throughout my life. And although 18 is a long time ago, it still seems like yesterday (I suspect it will until I die). When in the valley I have learned to tell myself that although it seems hopeless and there is no way out, I have been here many times before and somehow I always find my way back out again and sooner or later I will find my way out of this one. Maybe it helps, but if it does, it sure does not feel that way when I am at the bottom. I am a good deal beyond 18 now, I am at the top of the hill (or a bit over to be honest) and starting to look down the hill. Yet once again, I find myself in a valley of despair. When I was younger, the despair ripped at my soul and burned deeply. Now that I am older, I have been tempered and don’t feel it as acutely. The tradeoff is the deeply felt disappointment that at this point in my life, I am once again in the valley. One consolation is that I do remember the times when I have climbed back out of the valley, up onto the mountain and looked back, I could see the beauty of the entire landscape. It all makes sense from up there. Yet when back down in the valley, feeling tired and beaten by life, looking up at the climb ahead, just to get back to where I once was, that beauty is just a distant memory and I always wonder if it was real or just something I imagined. Intellectually I understand that without the valley, the mountain top is not quite as high and the view is not quite so spectacular. The valley is a beautiful place to look down at from above, but a hellish place to be stuck in looking up at the steep climb before me.
Anyway, like I said, I find myself once again in a valley. I was doing a bit of journaling (well “we” were doing a bit of self-psychotherapy to be succinct) when an idea for a post come on me and when I logged on to post it, I stumbled across your post and the title drew me in. Your post reminded me that though I can’t see you, you and many others are in these valleys along with me, and that, for some reason does help.
So thanks for your post, and I hope you find your way out soon.