Hello Anita

I have very little contact with my sisters and mother. Only recently has there been some contact as it was my birthday and my daughters within a week of eachother and my mother and sister turned up to bring us gifts. My younger sister blanked our birthdays which is fine but she did contact me a week after my birthday to ask for my Grans address to send her a birthday card (my grans birthday is the same day as my daughters) which I completely ignored. I just feel sad that she still tries to hurt me in her own subtle ways. OTher than that there is no contact with family, I have cut myself off. Removed myself off Facebook and any other social media they were following me on.

Yes, I hate all the labels she has given me. I just need to treat PTSD as anxiety, it all comes under the same umbrella it’s just that mine has been caused by a traumatic event when my brother terrified me then my family bullied me for 2 years after.

I feel lost. I had therapy today and have come away from it crying and feeling worse about myself. Today she listened and let me get out how I am feeling. I told her since therapy my anxiety and mood has got worse and I seem to have lost all hope of overcoming my anxiety and agoraphobia this time. She said therapy can do that early on as you discuss your traumas. I talked to her today about how awful my agoraphobia is and that I am avoiding a blood test I really need to get done as I have been ill a long time. I need an eye test as I am having some issues with my eyes but that instinct I used to have when I overcame agoraphobia in 2013 just isnt there. This time it’s like that inner voice of confidence has gone. I couldn’t walk into a doctors surgery now, I have a huge brick wall I just can’t get over this time. She just said I had to do imaginable exposures at home of the things i fear, belly breathing exercises and EFT. It’s making me wonder if this will help at all. I know from last time it was acceptance, real exposure work doing a fear hierarchy that helped me. This time I have so much fear I am struggling to even work on that right now and I told her this. I am wondering if therapy isn’t for me as will she even help and can i afford to throw £40 a week away to be told to belly breathe and do imaginable exposure? She is good in that she’s explained to me now about the amydalada and how the fear part of us takes over in our brain and the rational part of us goes offline, so she knows her stuff and it’s helped early on but now the last 3 sessions I have felt bad about myself for struggling and today she only gave me those tips and little else.

Sorry for it being a long reply.

Thank you

Julie