Hi again.

Should spouses be as up-front as possible as early on as possible, reach an agreement with what to/and what not share, deal with it, and then move on? I think boundaries should be set early on, if it is important for you to have an exact number of sexual partners your spouse has had, I would say you broach that early in the relationship. If your partner does not want to share, the individual should decide if that is important to them going forward to know the exact number. To be honest i imagine there are many men and women out there that simply don’t know the exact number they slept with.

If your spouse witheld information that later comes forward, there might have been a fear of sharing that information because they worry about how the other person would react. I don’t think it is deceptive necessarily, but you would need to understand why at that time the person wasn’t honest about it.

Ninjali: I read your other thread and I understand where you are coming from. However how about thinking about how after having many sexual partners, she chose and stayed with you,even though she was your first sexual partner. So you must give her something all those other men did not. Sounds to me all those years she was looking for love and affection in the form of sexual activity and finally she found and stayed with you. I have a family member who was very very sexually active in her youth, I don;t think she could tell you how many partners she had. It was all for attention. Now she is grown up and married she is ashamed of her past, but she has settled now and is very happy. Her husband gives her all the love she needs.