Dear fnsful:

What you described is indeed a “dark spiral”- making mistakes increases your anxiety; increased anxiety leads to more mistakes.

For the aim of making fewer mistakes, logic says, lower your anxiety. Calm will improve your memory, your focus, attention and bring about fewer and fewer mistakes.

The key to calm following making mistakes is to practice empathy for yourself instead of bullying yourself with thoughts such as you mentioned: “’You’re stupid, how could you not notice that.’ And ‘Why are you here? You can’t do this.’”

When you hear the bullying voice, replace it with the empathy voice, with thoughts like: It is okay. It is okay to make mistakes. I am intelligent and capable when I am calm.

Think of the child part of you who made a mistake: don’t be mean to this child; be gentle and patient instead. Be loving and kind to yourself.

anita