Dear konabear0909:

The emptiness you feel due to his absence, the emotions that you have running high, these are not only about him. The breakup triggers childhood emotions in you. What you felt as a child is mixed with the breakup. You asked: “How do you train your brain to ‘switch’ off the emotions..?”

My answer: you don’t try to get rid of the emotions; instead, you welcome them and examine them. There are true messages in them and once you get the message or messages, then the feelings will dissipate, weaken and you can move forward, wiser.

We have to figure out what a feeling means and what it doesn’t mean. You wrote: ” I know the relationship was bad for me,” this means to me that your emptiness and longing for him does NOT mean he is good for you.

So why would a person long for a relationship that is bad? There is a message in the longing that will explain this very question. Would you like to explore this question further by looking into the history of your childhood (and maybe still present) relationships with your parent or parents?

anita