Dear nkronsch:

This is an important value for you, and necessary for your mental health, I believe: that “relationships (are) straightforward and real…no pretending”. While never abusive, you have to be real with the people in your life. Obviously, your relationship with the mother of your child needs to change. From your share, she threatens you that if you don’t live with her as an intimate partner than she will take your daughter away from you. Will you share how else she is abusive to you? Who is she, what motivates her, does she work, how does she treat you, how do you treat her?

Regarding Freedom from societal entrapments: society has a Representative in your brain. Some call it the “inner critic”. A child is born “id” (according to Freud)- it wants this and it wants that and it will behave any which way it is driven to act. Parents/ caretakers start saying “No” to the child, “Not Nice!” “Share!” “Say thank you!” “Say Please” ” Do not scream!” “Put your toys away!” and on and on and on. That input, limiting the id, develops over time into the “Superego”. The Superego (or Inner Critic) is the mental representative of the parent/s, caretakers and society.

If you become mindful, getting to know your Inner Critic and assessing and evaluating its messages, deciding for yourself what of its messages is valid and what is not, then you become free, free to choose (instead of blindly or automatically obeying the inner critic/ society) and you gain peace of mind by no longer feeling badly when “hearing” many of the messages, such as: “You shouldn’t feel this way!” And “You should be doing this, not that!”

anita