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Reply To: Poly or Slutty?

HomeForumsRelationshipsPoly or Slutty?Reply To: Poly or Slutty?

#120985
Jessy Mae
Participant

Thank you guys so much for all of your responses.
Freebird, I think you bring up an excellent point. Why define this? I’m happy for the most part with the way things are now, mostly because a man hasn’t come along who really makes me want to give up all the others. Recently I started thinking about this a bit more when I was exploring a potential new love interest who does not know anything about the other men in my life and he mentioned that a few months ago a woman wanted him to be her new guy but she was married and in an open marriage. He said he couldn’t see that working for him. I didn’t bring up anything about me, but I knew right there that we could ever only be friends, in spite of how much I liked him and we had in common. I could tell that if he knew, he would judge me and possibly discontinue our friendship. Our relationship is unique to me because he is the only man I have gone out with multiple times over the span of several months with whom I have never kissed or had any form of sexual contact. I just think he isn’t attracted to me sexually, and while there is a bit of chemistry there it’s not huge for me either. I know he’s completely straight, he was married for 18 years and is dating now and we do talk about sex but his ex wife cheated on him and he has a hard time trusting again. So I’m not thinking he’s gay. The refreshing thing about my relationship/friendship with him is the lack of sex – I’m wondering if it’s possible to be close to someone without it, and how close can you get? It’s also like a personal challenge to myself to see if I can have a close relationship with a man I don’t sleep with.

Thank you Alien for reminding me that it’s my life and I shouldn’t worry about what other people think. Just do you. That’s what my Ninja says to me all the time. I have nick-named my lovers, he’s one of them.

Kayj, sounds like we are in a similar situation. I will tell you though, that when I fell in love with one of my lovers it happened without me realizing it. One day I realized I loved him but that I didn’t want to give up the others. It was very conflicting for a while and it took me a couple of months to work though. I dropped a couple of other lovers who got too attached before, but with this guy, probably because we had such an open and honest relationship from the beginning, it was harder for me to do. In the end he has opened me up to new experiences and we are very close overall, but both agree that we are fundamentally different and wouldn’t work as an exclusive couple.

I think that I was judging based on societies rules. The thing is that I have two kids and I don’t want them wondering about who my boyfriend is, but they have met only one and I have done my best to keep it that way. He understands, and since he also has two kids they have met and are friends too but we are very careful to not be physical in front of any of them. Also, I don’t want them going back to their very traditional father with stories. That could get awkward.