Dear librette:

There are a few factors and possibilities here, as I see it:

1. “I am always attracted to and fallen for men (who are) …very good looking”- it is natural to be attracted to men you view as good looking, and that is regardless of more complicated behavioral patterns.

2. Regarding chasing men, some people, men and women, enjoy the chase itself, and once succeeding in getting the attention, they get bored (or if someone is available and no chasing is required, one is not motivated to proceed). Could it be so for you?

3. You wrote that you “get freaked out” and “run away” if a man is “decent, mature, and doesn’t play games”. When you chase a man, you are in motion, running (figuratively). If you stop running, stay in one place (available to an emotionally intimate relationship), then you will be vulnerable to that man getting to know you and then reject you. Could it be so for you?

4. The attraction itself, beyond the physical aspect of good looks, could be an attraction to those who are not interested in you. Like your mother who was not interested in closeness with you, the thrill is to MAKE her interested in you. Your past attempts as a child, to reach out to your mother and have closeness with her failed, but the motivation is still here and has extended to uninterested men. Maybe..?

5. Going out on a limb, you wrote that your father is “a very quite man”- could it be that men who are “decent, mature, and (don’t) play games” remind you of your father? When your mother was “jealous that I was closer to him growing up… argue with him that he always took my side…”- could it be that you are in a way trying to accommodate your mother’s jealousy, her jealousy being a sign to you that she cares, by staying away from men who resemble your father?

anita