Dear Shirley, Earth Angel:

You are not a bad person for feeling angry at your mother for the things she said to you. When she loses her temper and yells at you, criticizes you, she is being abusive. It is wrong for her to yell at you. You deserve to be talked to respectfully. Of course, you would feel anger. And how can you forgive her when she didn’t repent; didn’t correct her behavior and didn’t ask you to forgive her…

You are a good person, Shirley. Unfortunately, your mother is like so many others, abusive, verbally and emotionally abusive.

The Inner Bully is her representative, a mental entity in your brain that does her job, criticizing you directly or projecting itself into other people that you are imagining are criticizing you.

To complicate things further, lots of people out there are critical.

A couple of things to keep in mind: someone could easily yell at your mother and criticize her on and on. Every person who criticizes you, someone criticizes them already. The fact that you are criticized does not mean you are defected somehow- EVERYONE can be criticized; everyone can be abused. And almost everyone has suffered abuse of some kind.

People all around you have their own Inner Bullies. In the past, when I walked, I didn’t look at people passing me on the street or in a store because I thought they were criticizing me. Recently, I look at people, and to my surprise, many look away from me and I can almost see THEIR inner bully. Sometimes I pass by a person who puts on that “I am strong, don’t mess with me” air. That is like you being cynical or defensive.

You are not alone, Shirley, Earth Angel, having outer bullies (currently your mother when she loses her temper) and an inner bully. Most people are not aware that they have an inner bully, so they have no way to make their minds and lives better. You are aware. Do not be discouraged that it takes so much (!) time, so much work and patience to heal and stand up to the bullies in your life, outer and inner.

Remember: “For as long as I’m still breathing, and my mind keeps thinking, this Earth Angel is going to follow her heart home1” And home is a safe place, no bullies allowed.

anita