Dear audreyhorne:

The last sentence you wrote, above, is: “his intentions are never to hurt me. At the same time, his actions do hurt me, over and over.”

If his actions hurt you again and again, and you have let him know, clearly, that his actions hurt you, again and again, and he keeps doing those actions that hurt you-

these are the possibilities:

1. he doesn’t believe you that his actions are hurting you.
2. he doesn’t care that his actions are hurting you; he doesn’t care that you are hurting
3. he believes his actions are hurting you, cares that you are hurting, but is unable to change his behavior.

If it is # 1 or 2, then the relationship is doomed- he doesn’t believe you or cares.

How about #3? I am thinking about it as I type: you text him, he sees your text. But he doesn’t remember that you told him it hurts you when he doesn’t reply, so he doesn’t reply. He doesn’t remember, doesn’t think: “AH needs me to text her back, so I will, it will take a short moment” He sees the text and his mind is blank, no thoughts are connected in his brain to seeing the text.

Can you ask him just that, ask him: when you see a text by me, what goes on in your mind, what are your thoughts… Whatever his answer, it will give you insight into how he operates. If you do ask him, I will be interested to read his reply, whatever it is.

anita