Hi Inky.

Thanks for replying and the idea that he may have used the whole “white lie” as a pretext to wanting to break up did cross my mind. However, I was the one who wronged him and to my eternal shame and regret. I have to admit that I was impulsive with my actions given that I had, prior to being with him, so many issues with family, friends, finances and career opportunities.

Again those were NOT GOOD EXCUSES.

His cousin forgave me and understood that I was just a big bag of unstable emotions that got released at an unfortunate time. She told me to “Fix Myself Up First” before doing anything else. Who knows, by then his heart and mind would be more open to the idea of reconciliation and me making amends.

“Stalking” – I have to admit that I have been doing that, but only to be able to catch a glimpse of him. “You only learn the importance of someone once they are gone.” I miss him and I love him so very much.

There was actually a period wherein I didn’t try to contact him and that was from 2013-2015. That was during the time I had a short-lived relationship with a girl, which ended on good terms. I guess that I learned from my stupidity with the guy.

“Grieve for Him and pretend that he is dead” isn’t a possibility and “way too late for that now” is more like “delayed for now”.

I made a conscious decision to finally MOVE ON and LET GO to go FIX MYSELF s I am a wreck. Maybe…after 2-10 years, he’ll be ready to truly forgive me. You are correct that what I did was vile, but I can’t believe myself that I did what I did to him.