I can relate to the feelings your experiencing and wish I knew a magic word that would flick a switch and set you on your authentic path.

I am certain of very few things other than the following
We become the stories we tell ourselves and that we must work for that which no work is required.
We have to learn how to get out of our own way and that is a first task of hero’s journey.

You currently feel divided, the person you feel you are and the person you think/know you could be, the authentic self pushing you to become the best version of yourself. Listen to that voice and “just do it”, there is no short cuts, no magic, no excuses, just do it. Tell a better story and just do it and doing it be it

Based on my own failure to listen to the hero’s call because I was too afraid I can assure you that eventually the voice telling you that you can be more will become harder and harder to hear and time will pass you by.

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us”.
“Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to Life. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.”
Joseph Campbell