Ok that’s makes more sense to me now.
I would be lying if I didn’t say a small part of me would like for me & my ex too work, however, when I have discussed with him in the past that I need to work on myself & he needs to prove over a long period of time that he wants us to work & be a nicer person (he has been quite negative during our break up due to his emotions & not really being able to control them, so gets annoyed & shows that) he seems to think he has changed & got that under wraps. Now I know people can change, but is it unfair for me to almost expect him to wait? Because in a nut shell that’s almost what I’m doing his interpretation is “I’m going to work on myself for a few months, wait for me, put your life on hold & we’ll reconnect in 6 months” what do these thoughts from him translate too, in your eyes? Because I do think he has a valid point, however there is no other way for me.

I struggle to see the obvious parts in this as I am emotionally involved so I do apologise if sometimes you may wonder why I don’t see obvious things.

In regards to my Mum, when she says these little digs at me it makes me angry the majority or the time, sometimes I can snap at her, sometimes I can almost make a joke & sometimes I walk away. It makes me feel annoyed that she can’t just talk to me & instead digs with what she wants to say. Sometimes I don’t mind ignoring it, sometimes I can’t help but respond negatively. I also don’t understand how I can just allow it by walking away, I suppose that in itself gives her a signal of being upset? Because when I try to talk to her about how I feel she tells me not everything is about me – so I will use I messages “I feel sad because…” But even that doesn’t seem to work. I’ve had a fear instilled within me for years that I’ve struggled to tell people (romantic relationships in particular) how I feel, I guess we were never brought up to be emotionally open so I never really have been & have battled for years with that, so then when I do open up with her I get faced with the same wall I have from others this makes me want to retreat into my cave again, I have explained this to her, but she took it on as if I was blaming her for being that way & that it was her fault??…..