Forum Replies Created
March 9, 2018 at 6:24 am #196479
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Thanks for your advice 🙂March 9, 2018 at 12:34 am #196439
Yes, you could have a point there. Not so much about disrespecting me, but more about knowing I won’t be annoyed at her plan to cancel me. I met with her yesterday & nothing really was said, & as the meet went on I felt a bit of my tension release .. she did say how sorry she was for not remembering we were meeting, & gave me alternative dates to meet, so that was good. She said sorry for not bringing my birthday card, I said it’s a bit late now & we joked about the fact she can give me it next year.
There is a big age difference & whilst I’ve never seen that as a problem I think you have a point where you say of her treating me as a kid as opposed to someone more her age. Yes I get the kid part. My sister has 3 & I don’t see them as much as maybe I should, but for me, sitting in a park with screaming kids isn’t my idea of fun. I don’t have kids yet, I don’t plan on it for a few years, & she knows that so I guess she doesn’t invite me round cos she doesn’t want me to be bored, knows it’s not my idea of a ‘fun time’. I have adapted the way I look at it, & think I just felt a bit upset about it – hence why I wrote here I guess. I have asked her to message me the dates she is available she will wait for those & make plans going forward.
I feel like I’m always texting, do you think I should pull back or is that a little immature?March 8, 2018 at 4:46 am #196341
No I don’t believe there was. Our relationship is very much based on humour, again why I guess talking to her about ‘serious’ stuff is always done in a playful way. We have never had ‘words’ with each other about anything, our relationship has never been strained. I missed a bit of information.. when I went round on Christmas Day & she said she had forgot to get me one, she went out to her back room & wrote me 3 little cards & gave them too me, again as her funny gesture. I guess this is just what we do.
I think sometimes I may need to assert myself, in terms of when we had arranged to do something on a certain date, with a months notice, yet cancels on me instead of the new arrangement she has made with her work colleagues. To me she obviously sees that cancelling me has less of an impact on her, than cancelling the other people. Or that she’d prefer to go to Bingo, than for a few drinks with us?
March 8, 2018 at 4:18 am #196335
- This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Poppyxo.
I agree. I’m meeting her today, I have suggested meeting her in a coffee shop as opposed to her house, so that I feel a little more comfortable if the subject comes up. If it doesn’t I have decided I will leave it & drop an expectation & going forward wait for her to instigate meeting up. The whole not seeing each other often thing didn’t bother me & never has as we both have our own busy lives, the things that bothered me most was the card situation, particularly for my birthday. But I’ll drop that & leave it in the past & hope things get better moving forward.March 8, 2018 at 3:54 am #196327
Yes I guess I do hide it with humour, but I guess it makes me feel awkward being serious, and also I don’t find using humour to assert a situation as a negative, as it then doesn’t hold the seriousness or awkwardness that a proper conversation would? As long as I don’t beat around the bush & for example ignore her texts for days because shes pissed me off or anything, then I think I see humour as a more approachable tone to use. No? I wouldn’t even necessarily say I’m angry either, if she doesn’t want to bother or see me then that’s fine – we don’t see each other a lot anyway, never have. It’s just the lack on her part.March 8, 2018 at 12:49 am #196319
CBD – I don’t think that’s true. She just asked how to word it because she was unsure of how too, that’s fair. She’s a decent person who doesn’t like to hurt people’s feelings & confuse the ex by saying something that may be read differently from him – I think anyway. I’m the same. My ex owes me money & I still struggle to communicate with him when I need too as I don’t want him to stop paying or take what I say the wrong way.
Bonni_mor – I agree with Anita, I think you need to say something a little more assertive, that you’ve moved on & don’t feel like there’s anything more to talk about type of text. Have you told your new boyfriend about this? I just worry that if you haven’t & he finds out, it might cause problems for you.March 7, 2018 at 1:18 pm #196263
I agree with most of what you’re saying. I just believe that if someone asks you to meet them half way (get them a card because that’s what they like) & you do meet them half way, surely they should meet you half way too? To be so sure of something that you pretty much ask someone to change to be the way you want, but not bother yourself? I think it’s a little poor. If a partner done that it would seen as narcissistic or controlling, so how come it’s ok for a friend to do? I just feel like I go out of my way alot & not get a lot back. As I said it’s always me texting, never the other way round, then it’s “you haven’t come round for months”.
Nextsteps I think you’re right.
I do try to allow that she is her & who & what she does & I am me & I know I cannot control her or anyone for that matter, but I’ve made quite a few changes to ensure her happiness. I just feel like when I make plans I’m not “put on the calendar” & when another event comes along she says yes & always lets me down, regardless of the amount of notice I’ve given … Why can’t she cancel the second event, the one she made after ours? StrangeDecember 19, 2017 at 2:09 pm #182849
Have you spoken to your husband about the status of your relationship?
Have you seen a therapist, together & or apart?
I haven’t picked up on any communication between the two of you… It does all seem selfish, you’re right.December 19, 2017 at 4:38 am #182795
you said “I see my kids all the time, even when its not my custody week. They are very in tuned to my drinking and everyone around me has kind of adapted to it. I know I’m a functioning alcoholic and my ex-wants me to quit and I refuse.” how healthy is this for your children, & there physical & emotional wellbeing, I wonder?December 15, 2017 at 6:30 am #182337
Of course, it would be. 12 years is a long time. It doesn’t necessarily mean this has to be the end, does it? Would you consider a life together if you could sort out your differences, or not?December 15, 2017 at 6:28 am #182335
I’ve been in relationships like this before & I’m not saying your situation is the same as mine, but I will ask one question… Why should you settle? Why should you stay with someone who isn’t meeting your needs?
But I would also like to put to you this… In the beginning, what we call Honeymoon Period, things do seem a lot better, so the attention you’re getting from this other guy could be just spare of the moment, someones paying you attention etc, doesn’t necessarily mean that, for example, if you left your partner & got with this other guy things would run smoothly, because they may not. Sometimes it’s about being on our own & finding out what it is we need in ourselves as opposed to searching for it in others.December 15, 2017 at 4:24 am #182311
The way I see it is that if you have aired your views & feelings to him – so for example he knows you like him, if he doesn’t contact you then move on. If he didn’t know your feelings, then I would say air them, but leave the ball in his court. There is no point chasing someone who doesn’t have the same ideas as you – you’ll only enter into something that you want more than him & that is never a good idea because you’ll forever be questioning it’s status.
When I met my now boyfriend, he couldn’t be happier to plan seeing me again, he is always texting me, he’s really open about how he feels etcDecember 15, 2017 at 4:03 am #182307
In that case as said above I would leave it, in my eyes, if he wants you he will soon show up. He is clear on how you feel?
How do you feel about it?December 15, 2017 at 3:55 am #182301
I think cheating on someone is a little more than a mistake. In my eyes it’s a poor part of a persons character. Someone that loves you, would never cheat. Ever.December 15, 2017 at 3:53 am #182299
Oh ok. & in your eyes you don’t think anything wrong was said in the conversation that could have been misconstrued? I’m just wondering whether Guy 2 has feelings for you or something if the conversation went, in your eyes, fine with this guy you’re ‘seeing’.
Have you addressed this outburst from your friend with the guy you’re seeing?