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I’m really struggling

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  • #182173
    mouse
    Participant

    Recently I met a boy through my friend, we got on extremely well, it was lovely because we were all a group and whenever I went over to my friends (they live together) I’d see him and we would go out and I’d stay with him after for the weekend. This happened two weeks in a row, it almost felt like we were a couple, he told my friend he was interested and found me really genuine, easy to talk to etc. Well, hearing this made me really happy because I was also into him. We started texting more and I was happy with how things seemed to be going. However, I got a message off my friend warning me he was no longer interested. The boy sent me a long message explaining he wasn’t looking for anything more than what was going on for now but we could meet up to talk about it, so we did. He said he felt things had happened quickly because I’d stayed over two weekends in a row, and that a lot of people had been getting involved and it put him off. We agreed eventually to continue seeing where things went without people getting involved and I left feeling satisfied. However, when I got home, I got a message off my friend being very rude to me, totally out of the blue for him. I was really upset and it would appear something I told the boy was taken out of context by my friend (they’d obviously had a chat about the meeting)

    me and my friend seem to be okay now, he accepted my apology and said to forget it, however it’s been a week and I haven’t heard from the guy. I’m driving myself crazy because I assumed things were sorted and that he was into me, but I’m worried he now thinks of me as something else. I don’t know what to do, if I should text him asking what’s up or if that could push him away more, or if he even is interested at all. I haven’t heard more from my friend either which upsets me as we were very close. The situation is making my heart hurt, I need some guidance.

    #182195
    Amy
    Participant

    Hi Mouse!

    I’m so sorry to hear about your hurting heart– I definitely feel for you and know that relationships can be very confusing.  Given the story and background you’ve given here, it does sound like the best idea to give both of them some space.  Reaching out to ask what’s up at this point could likely backfire and like you said, have him end up pushing you further away.  I know it’s hard, but you can do it.  Once you back off and give some space, I think it might also clear your own headspace up as well so that you can sort through this more.

    I hope this is helpful and good luck!

    Amy

    #182239
    mouse
    Participant

    It is very confusing, things were fine and I was happy and then overnight things just went to a bad place. I have anxiety and things like this just make me feel awful and occupy my every thought. I do feel like they need space but it’s driving me crazy! I do hope somehow I can find a solution to this

    #182271
    Poppyxo
    Participant

    Hi mouse,

    Can you confirm that you met Guy 1 for a chat about how things were going & Guy 2 was rude to you fllowing on your chat with Guy 1? Are Guy 1 and Guy 2 friends? I got a little confused reading this..

    #182293
    mouse
    Participant

    Yeah I did meet him and it went well, my friend messaged me the rude message after the meeting, and yes they are they live together however I think their friendship isn’t that stable

    #182299
    Poppyxo
    Participant

    Oh ok. & in your eyes you don’t think anything wrong was said in the conversation that could have been misconstrued? I’m just wondering whether Guy 2 has feelings for you or something if the conversation went, in your eyes, fine with this guy you’re ‘seeing’.

    Have you addressed this outburst from your friend with the guy you’re seeing?

    #182305
    mouse
    Participant

    Something was said that was taken out of context but I spoke to my friend to explain and he told me it’s fine and to just forget it, I did message the guy after like what is going on but he didn’t reply and that’s the last thing I said to him a week ago, heard nothing since.

    #182307
    Poppyxo
    Participant

    ah ok.
    In that case as said above I would leave it, in my eyes, if he wants you he will soon show up. He is clear on how you feel?

    How do you feel about it?

    #182309
    mouse
    Participant

    Yeah I think I need to move on from the situation now, maybe towards the new year I may reach out. I feel really sad about it because we were such good friends and I also got on really well with the guy and saw potential there, but I’m drained from things now

    #182311
    Poppyxo
    Participant

    The way I see it is that if you have aired your views & feelings to him – so for example he knows you like him, if he doesn’t contact you then move on. If he didn’t know your feelings, then I would say air them, but leave the ball in his court. There is no point chasing someone who doesn’t have the same ideas as you – you’ll only enter into something that you want more than him & that is never a good idea because you’ll forever be questioning it’s status.

    When I met my now boyfriend, he couldn’t be happier to plan seeing me again, he is always texting me, he’s really open about how he feels etc

    #182497
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi mouse,

    I agree. Give him space. Let him have that uncomfortable “Should I call??” feeling.

    Another thing is that guys usually stick together, are loyal to each other and can influence each other. If he’s not strong enough to think for himself about you without his friend’s input, then he’s not the guy for you.

    And no more weekends with guys UNTIL you are in that relationship!

    Best,

    Inky

    #182713
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi mouse,

    If this man is too busy listening to heresay and gossip and letting it get to him, then it sounds like he is a bit weak in character to me. If he hears something he does not like he should come to you directly rather than giving you the “silent” treatment and just leaving you hanging. I am not sure how old you are, but all of this, between him and the friend sounds like junior high school stuff, and that should have been left in Junior High school. People should not listen to gossip, rumors, etc. If he would rather listen and believe them over you, then come to you first, he sounds a bit immature. I feel you deserve a man who acts like an Adult, you deserve better.

     

    #182761
    mouse
    Participant

    I am young, in my 20s, and I do agree, especially if me and my friend have agreed to let it go.  I am feeling a bit better but I still expect to see his name come up on  the phone but he is on a trip at the moment and god knows what he is getting up to. I am hurt because I finally met someone I liked and I did see its potential, I still have no idea why he decided to just ignore me and it is a bit painful even if nothing much ever came of it.

    #182801
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear mouse:

    Having re-read your previous threads, it seems to me that your communication skills need to be improved. If you like to make New Year Resolutions, this might be a good resolution to make. You were quite clueless, reads to me, regarding your first relationship, your “first love” as you called it and you are quite clueless regarding this beginning and just- ended, so it seems, relationship.

    It will help you a whole lot to learn how to express yourself clearly to others, how to detect what you need and want to begin with, how to ask the other clear questions so to get the information you need about the other person’s goals, motivations, etc.

    anita

    #183965
    mouse
    Participant

    It has been a week and still nothing from the both of them…I have been doing marginally better but I am still hurt that both of them have not reached out to me..it was all a massive misunderstanding and it really could of been cleared up by now…clearly that guy now thinks less of me which upsets me greatly as everything had been fine.. I just feel frustrated and betrayed. I know what I want and I was happy to go with the flow, as was he supposedly, but its all ruined now

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