Dear Poppy:

Regarding his complain that he has to put his life on hold while you figure things out, that was not my understanding of the plan. My memory of it was that you and him will continue your relationship as friends, that is, everything remains the same except that you do not have sexual relations, that is all. So there is no putting one’s life on hold. Him texting his ex, repeatedly, and you being distressed by it (as I would be) requires putting on hold the sexual part, the gf/ bf part, more so until HE figures out why he kept texting her and will he continue to do so…

Regarding your mother, this is a lost case, if I may say so. After all these years of her rejecting you (dismissing your feelings, discouraging honest communication), stop trying. Give up on honest, deep communication with her. If it was possible, it would already have happened. Give up on her and give up on “difficult people”- that is rejecting, emotionally dishonest people-

Gravitate toward emotionally honest people- there is where healing and growth is.

anita