Dear cyrus1987:

In trying to correctly understand people and situations, it is important not to make assumptions and then ride on those assumptions without checking. I made the assumption that you being a center of attention, as a child, in the context of your family, was a good thing. And that it is still a good thing.

Now, I think that assumption was incorrect. I am putting together what you shared below:

” (I) want more siblings: i have a younger sister but not sure why i yearn for another sibling, ideally a brother. i want a bigger family…

(I) do like feeling important by my friends – not so much by my family. i actually prefer socialising than hanging out with family…

I’ve learnt that being the centre of attention is not always good…”

I am thinking of this possibility, and if you are reading this, you can evaluate it for accuracy. Again, this is a possibility:

You were the center of attention as a child, in the context of your family, the only son, perhaps. That attention burdened you, creating distress in you, and you longed to have that distress relieved: if only you had a brother, close in age- maybe then the burden would be shared, your parents would divert some attention away from you, to your brother. Better yet, have many siblings, and so less, way less of that burdensome attention.

And so, you are still motivated at 30, to have a sibling. Too late to have one, at least one close to your age, but the motivation is still that of the child that you were.

You were then motivated to have friends, so to be otherwise occupied, occupied outside the context of the family. In the context of family, with your parents, you weren’t able to be free-to-be-a-kid. You longed for it elsewhere. And you still do, looking for friends, for the same reason.

anita