Dear Shirley:

Good you are have a better experience in the java class and that the inner bully has faded some.

1.” How do I be more of myself and stop seeking approval from others?”

Notice when you seek approval and what behavior that triggers in you, then don’t do that behavior and instead behave as true to yourself as you can. With practice this will get easier and you will find yourself more authentic.

2. “How do I let people know that the characteristics they associate with me make the whole me, not just separate parts?”

Make sure they do associate those specific characteristics with you (ask to make sure), then tell them what you are this AND that, not this OR that.

3. “How do I react when someone says something about my flaws that I’m working on?… ex., ‘You are a lazy person and you are terrible at math.’…I have a 91 average in math”

Say to that person: I have 91 average in math, that’s a B. But you have an F in kindness, that’s a Fail. When you get a C in kindness, you and I can talk about my math.

4. How do I comfort someone without being dragged down in their sorrow?

Comfort them for a few minutes, a short time, then go about your life.

5. “Do you think I overreacted? (with Andrew)”
No.

6. “The question is How do I stay calm around him because there are times when I think he likes me and it makes me happy, but it also makes me a bit jumpy?”

Take a few deep breaths when you can, when you notice you are starting to get jumpy. Also, tell him that when you get nervous you get jumpy and your voice changes the way it does. Tell him that in a matter of fact way, no big deal. Notice how he behaves when he is nervous.

* I personally think it is cute, you feeling jumpy and your voice changes. He may think it is cute too. I know you feel uncomfortable when it happens, but the person observing, if they notice, may find it adorable.

anita