Anita,

Thank you for replying. Unfortunately, I had to have to conversation with her Monday night and didn’t read your message in time. She is coming over to my house on Saturday, so I thought it would be right to let her know that I live in my mothers guest house. I didn’t want to omit this information as I thought I would be honest and up front with her. She was actually pretty cool with it, but she did ask a lot of questions: How long have I lived there? How do I get my clients? etc. I told her, and I felt pretty insecure about all of that and that I was afraid she might leave because of it. She also didn’t say a word. She gave me a big long hug afterwords, but that wasn’t enough for me as I had no idea what her thoughts were. So, last night I saw her and explained that by her not saying anything (which has been the third time), that it left me in the wind not knowing how she felt. She said actions speak louder than words, (meaning the hug). I said that I needed more than that. I need her to communicate with me as well. Acknowledge what I said, as I was very venerable and totally honest with her. She said she was sorry and that she wasn’t use to communicating about feelings or anything in general as her ex husband never asked her for her opinion or communicated with her (and they were together for 20 years). It made me feel better that we had that talk. Afterwards, she mentioned that I am intense and a touch dramatic. But, I think she likes it. She also doesn’t complements well (not saying anything) and I am reminding her to just say “thank you”. She totally agreed and once again said she wasn’t use to someone complementing her. So, we are working on that. 🙂
The woman I worked with yesterday, called me while I was at “my girlfriends” house and I told her I would charge her 250.00 (which is a discount). My girlfriend was like, “you didn’t even negotiate with her” and she was right, but it made me feel a little bad about myself for not asking for what I’m worth. Not sure how to handle that in the future. I know that she wants me to be successful though, so comes from a good place.
I just feel that she is judging me for where I am at in my life. She isn’t though (as she is still with me), so I think it’s my own insecurity about my situation. I should totally own it, but I felt insecure about it. I’ll learn for next time..:) And it’s not like she’s perfect either, but I try to make her feel good about herself.

She also asked me why I didn’t have a girlfriend in years. Once again I feel I was being judged. I think she’s trying to understand and learn about me, but maybe I should tell her that I feel like I’m being judged by these questions. I think that her ex husband (which she still has to deal with because of her kids), really screwed her up. But she is also really shy. I am not sure how to handle this lack of communication, but I had a talk with her last night. She also feels that I am getting too serious as we have only known each other for two weeks.
We have a great time together though. We laugh so hard!!. I have never met a woman who I laugh with this hard, and we both love it. She told me that no matter what happens, she wants me in her life, as friends or intimate. I told her I’m not looking for another friend and she totally agreed. I think the lesson here for me to own my power and where I am in my life. I just felt that once she gets to me, she will leave, which is my own insecurity.

Now as far as my mother is concerned, I haven’t really talked her. We’ve been communicating via text, which works out fine for me. I’ve been staying over “my girlfriends” house a lot, so out of sight, out of mind works for me…:) . I think she feels that this will all blow over. But, I do feel that I have disconnected from her as much as I can for staying in the guest house.

I have to run now, as I have a second day working for that woman I worked for yesterday…:)

Thank you again Anita!!