Dear John:

When you feel judged by “your girlfriend, ask her what she meant by what she said, before you tell her that you feel judged. You are likely to feel judged because your “inner critic” is judging you and projecting itself into her/ others. So you think she is judging you, and maybe she is, but maybe she is not. Ask clarifying questions. Let her know, if needed, why you ask these questions (verifying whether she is judging you or it is your inner critic/ yourself judging you).

“Your girlfriend is indeed imperfect, far from it, from your own sharing. Pay attention to how imperfect she really is, that will make you feel more comfortable about yourself. From your sharing, you and she have work to do in way of healing and improving one’s life. I can’t say that you have more work than she does.

Being focused as you are on your perceived and real inadequacies, you care so very much about what she thinks, as if she is the authority on adequacy. You don’t know her enough to give her such authority. You are simply so focused on your own inadequacy, you will give …anyone that authority.

anita