Dear Russ

Sorry bout the late reply. I needed some time to think and sort out my own matters. There were three things in particular I wanted to say based on what you posted –

Good job on taking your own initiative to go to places and interact. This is a good step in the correct direction. I hope your skiing went well.

The other thing relates to relationships. The categorization you mentioned is one type surely. Everyone has a different filing system in this regard and that’s fine. Take what works for you.

Also, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. You may not consciously see it but you do spend your whole life with your own chatter, with your own inner world while interacting with the outer world. Friends, family are beautiful things in life no doubt but they are just one part of it. They can be a source of enrichment or damage. Whatever it is, the most amount of time is what you spend with you basically.

You can definetly influence external situations to some extent but you can’t fully control situations and people. Not even the most powerful people in the world can do that.

The control you have is over how you manage yourself, your thoughts and emotions. I consider it rather disempowering to keep playing the situation blame record forever – either something can be done or it can’t. When it can’t, then one has to work harder towards managing oneself.

These are skills you will pick up as you spend more time with yourself. Really get to know yourself. All these years, you have seen yourself through eyes of disappointment and failure, as if something is missing in you. It’s time you really start spending more time with this person. Start becoming friends with yourself.

Think of your kid for example. Even if they had flaws, wouldn’t you love them anyway and want them to be happy with whatever they are up to or stay nervous, critical all the time? Wouldnt you tell your kid to re-evaluate the situation despite the mistakes made?

Regards
Nina