All of what you say is true… I do see him as the “man” therefore, needs to be the strong one in our relationship. And I do see where I failed as his “future wife” the strong, independent woman! He was extremely patient with me for the first two months of our relationship. He was patient, he was kind & understanding. As you said in your earlier reply, I was very insecure in the relationship is the very beginning. And yet through it all, he stood by me. Which is quite the dilemma I am in now… I do need to show him that I can be the strong & that I can be dependable. I need to show him that when he is having a rough patch, I can be there to support him & pick him up when he is down.

My therapist said to me on day one tell me three of his best qualities & three of his worst. He said to me think about it before you answer. So I sat there & really thought.

His three Best Qualities Are:
– Patient
– Loving
– Generous (not in a materialist way)

His three Worst qualities are:
– Work-a-holic
– People Pleaser
– Bad Communicator

The therapist then asked me, so what did I do that was so horrible to this man that would make him want to leave me? Make him fall out of love with me?

Did you cheat on him? No
Did you lie to him? No
Did you abuse him? No
Are you abusing substances? No
Did you steal from him? No
Did you gamble his money away? No

He then said, ok… so you didn’t do any of those things that would cause him to change his mind about you, therefore, you need to stop playing the “blame game” with yourself. He said that right now, my fiancé feels like he is failing & there are a million things that are changing in his life right now. He cannot keep up with his work, failure, he cannot give your relationship the time it needs, failure, he cannot give you what you deserve (as he told me), failure, he cannot keep his best friend happy, failure… you add all of these things together plus the fact that everything is changing in the process, his new position, which is a huge undertaking, the change in his status – single to married, the change with his friendship, the changing of homes… he said all of these things are huge to deal with let alone, and for him, everything is happening all at once. He said that right now my fiancé is running around in the dark forest bumping into trees because he is running with his eyes close. That he has no idea where he is going or how he is even going to get there. The therapist said to me that he ended our relationship the way he did NOT because he doesn’t love me or his feelings have changed, rather that it makes him feel less guilty that he ended the relationship. He made a clean cut & thought it would be enough to make me hate him & make me walk away because he can’t deal with everything that is going on. My therapist said that we need to make me stronger & more self confident so that I can go to my fiancé, and sit him down & say, “Listen to me, listen to every word I am saying. Don’s answer me right now, just hear me out & think about it… I Love You. I am not giving up on you, I am not giving up on US! I am here to support you. Let me in! Let me be your support system when times get rough. Let me be your sounding board when you have had a stressful day. I am a strong woman! I was a strong woman before you & I will be a strong woman after you! No woman will ever love you the way that I do! We made a commitment to each other & I value that above all! Get it through your head, I LOVE YOU & I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE”

Then he told me not to say another word because everything else I say after that will just be white noise & go in one ear & out the other. That he will stop listening to me… But I need to believe that in myself & I need to get there. I am struggling with that right now because I am hurt. And he cut me out of his life completely! I want to be able to say all these things to him because I feel it but I am afraid that I will crumble. I am afraid that I will push him over the edge!

I agree that he felt good in the beginning knowing that he is the “man” & that I depend on him but he also needs to know that I am just as strong & can do the same for him.