Dear artful,

It sounds like you are incredibly self aware and that is a great foundation!

As I’m sure you understand, things like this don’t necessarily have quick fixes. It is a matter of changing one tiny thing and practicing to get good at it. Then trying the next thing. Until, over time, the relationship becomes healthy.

Is your boyfriend willing to go on a self and relationship healing journey with you? Or are you on your own for this? Because, again as I’m sure you know, you can’t make choices for him–of who he is, what he will do, how he will react. But perhaps if you can take classes together, read books together, attend therapy together, watch videos together (YouTube!) about relationships, maybe that will be good if he is willing. Just be sure to take the advice for yourself, not be supervising if he is taking the advice for himself/for you, ha ha. Right? 🙂

All cycle-breaking begins with deciding to value yourself. When you value you yourself deeply (sound like bf also may have issues here), then you make much different choices than when you don’t; just by that one thing.

Maybe you guys can agree to have one sit down a week to hear and listen to each other about the problems, and try to react calmly? Then the rest of the time, keep the peace, but you know that you will both be listened to each other once a week at least.

And when HE speaks–whatever it is, even in reaction to what you said–acknowledge him and his pain. “I hear you, I see where you are coming from, I don’t blame you” like that. Hopefully he’ll soon follow your example.

Bless you, relationships take guts,
Respect~Jennifer

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Jennifer Boyatt.