Dear A. Prashanth:

It is regrettable that your mother is suffering so much. I hope her health improves, and that she will not be suffering.

I re-read some of your previous writing in previous threads. The anxiety you suffer from- your parents, one maybe, more than the other, have been significantly anxious your whole life- that is why they didn’t allow you to go on that school trip you regret so much not going on, and this is why they didn’t allow you to drive a vehicle, fearing for your safety. Their anxiousness harmed you and significantly affected your life negatively.

This anxiety, theirs, yours, needs to be managed, healed from, best you can.

You feel guilty- but notice, you wrote that most of your siblings are oversees. It is you who is present; you who are more in your mother’s life than your siblings, isn’t it so?

You wanted to make your mother proud by becoming a published writer, and you worked so hard for that goal. Does your mother know that? Does she appreciate how intensely you wanted to make her proud and how hard you worked to make her proud? That is your love for her in-practice. The work you did is evidence of your love for her. I hope she takes in this love and finds comfort in it.

Before the recent developments in your mother’s health you were most worried about your 87 year old grandmother. Anxiety is something that you need to deal with as you go on. Please be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself. Do not add to your distress by adding unjustified guilt to it.

You are not responsible for your mother’s illness and it is not your job to get married and have children so to please her, regardless of her health status. It simply is not your job.

I hope she gets better, that she doesn’t suffer more; that you get better, and that you will find relief from your suffering.

anita