Dear thecarelessowl,

Here is the thing – someone will always be better or worse than you depending on what criteria you choose.

The problem worsens when you have no specific criteria even.

The first thing you need to come to terms with is the traumatic experience of the accident. The emotions you are especially going through are also a manifestation of the anxiety of that event. You may be feeling more on the edge than ever and that is normal in this case.

A friend of mine once had a car accident too. He lost his girlfriend that night, literally saw her die and since then, he has been terrified of blood in particular. It took him a while to make the journey through the same road route again but with time and practise, he was able to overcome that. But yeah, some traces of that fear remain. He won’t ever let any of us sit on a particular side of a vehicle again because that’s where she sat. He always sits there instead.

You can’t change the event though no matter how many times you see others experiences and wish it was you instead.

The other thing is – do you really know who you are? Do you understand what you actually want in your life and to satisfy what need? Self awareness is a very under-rated thing but it is key to resolving this.

Then the question of, is what I am good enough? Some people struggle with this their whole life and try hard to fit into labels and get a point over others. Life gets wasted this way and by the time they finally realise, that precious time is gone. The purpose of critique was not to undervalue you but to show you a possible way to improve.

As children, we often don’t see the subtext of things, we go by text too literally and internalize it thinking something is wrong with us. But as adults, we have the capability to know our emotions better and see them as signs to work on ourselves.

Take your emotions as signs on what needs to be worked on. That could be your own thinking process, your way of leading life, areas of improvement.

Regards
Nina