Dear spring0108:

You want to love and be loved. To love, you put the man first. To be loved, should he put you first?

If he puts you first, do you let him and feel comfortable being first? And then… to love him, you put him first, and you are back to being second, is it taking turns?

I think that neither should be first or second, but equal. It is my understanding, at this point, that your practice of putting the man (or family member, or friend) first, and you second, is a problem. You may be so used to this dynamic, starting from childhood, that you don’t know any other way.

It may be that as a child, the price you had to pay to be loved was self denial, basically, you had to not love yourself, to give yourself no importance, so to receive any kind of love from a parent.

Does any of this ring true to you?

* Will be back in twelve hours or so.

anita