Hey there-

Very quick thoughts from the road because I’ll be tied up after that for several days:

The reason for the discipline I”m talking about is so that you are building something for yourself with consistency.

The ‘routine’ you describe needs to be broken up or rather rearranged somehow so that you can get something done. I understand that the reflex of self protection (in the household) has made you do some ‘workarounds’ in terms of when you do certain things, but in the end it’s doing you a disservice and perpetuating the state of nothingness/depression.

So how/what can you introduce that will change things up a bit using discipline? You have this schoolwork that you have to get to so maybe that’s what you should do in the early ‘optimistic’ hours when your positive energy is good- that would be a good time to start this ‘building’, which in turn will perpetuate the positivity. I know you don’t have the habit, and I know schoolwork is a drag, but ditch one of your youtube sessions and let yourself do something constructive. You need some kind of feeling of movement and success, even on a tiny scale. Why not move your skyping to later in the day or better yet the evening when there’s nothing else that needs to be done and make it more of a personal reward rather than part of procrastinating?

All these little things make up the bigger picture (school, accomplishment) and that’s the only thing that’s truly going to bust you out of there. Schoolwork is sometimes just a means to an end, but it’s important and you certainly have the brainpower to do this..

As for the possible trip – no need to over analyze it. It should just be fun. Don’t worry too much. And getting away is very important for you to start feeling ‘yourself’. Definitely bring the Canon – trust me, I know what you mean about feeling better behind the camera, it keeps me going at times.

I think you are striving for natural ‘holistic’ answers to some of your problems, and that is good. All of that stuff is very important. Aromatherapy, mindfulness/meditation, teas, all things I do to keep it together sometimes too. Do you mean valerian root tea? Also Vervaine, or just plain camomile, or Sleepy Time tea that’s easy to find in the supermarket.

You are lining up the problems, and lining up the solutions, and this is an important step in becoming active about these things… so give yourself some credit, and try and think what solutions might be doable.