Dear Crystal:

I re-read your posts in your previous thread. You are asking, on this thread, about techniques to release your emotions, the “fear and anger and shame and hate” that overwhelm you.

In your last thread in your previous thread you wrote about your boyfriend: “…He is so full of rage and fear himself and wants revenge on those he feels abused him… fight some war involving aliens and technology… I BECAME him.”- he was full of rage and fear, like you. He wanted revenge and he went about resolving his emotions in the following ways:

1. “Driving down the highway at 2am doing 110mph with the lights off and throwing salt out the windows because it’s protective.”
2. “Ripping all the UPC labels off everything in the house because they can track us.”
3.”Taking a shower in cold dirty standing water then wearing his clothes”
4. “Him backing me into a corner and poking me because negative energy was coming through me and I had to release the demons…
5. Creating these strange electrical devices and moving them around to scramble the energy.

As classically psychotically delusional as his ways were, he did things to resolve his distress, his fear, his anger- he did things, and so, you went on the ride with him, not only on the literal highway, but any other ride (1-5 and others you may not have listed). You went on his ride, “became him”, so to resolve your own distressing feelings.

Clearly, to me, you do need to find ways to resolve your distressing feelings, only not his ways. The ways that will work for you need not be symbolic and delusional but true to your own life. Looking for resolution in your own life, relationships still ongoing come to mind-

I read that your father committed suicide. I don’t think you mentioned your mother. What is your relationship with her, currently?

anita