Ellie, thank you very much for your understanding.

You are right; I have been suffering for quite some time. Having this kind of relationship is nowhere near healthy for anyone – it’s wrong in many ways. That much knowledge in this relationship was, unfortunately, paired with my poor sense of self-worth, and I was too afraid to let his wife or anyone else know about our relationship at that time. I was afraid of being cast out, afraid of guilt itself, so I turned a blind eye to it.. Now that I’ve finally opened up my eyes again, I finally left him without saying any word. Partly because I was afraid that hearing his reactions and words will somehow affect me negatively, and partly because I just believe I have to put this to end… now. (about damn time!)

Telling this to his wife, and hoping for her to see my side as well as alleviate my guilty feelings, I think, is just a bonus for me.
I am aware of what I have done and what I might cause. And I don’t expect a positive reaction entirely from her – she could be head-splitting angry at me, or believe in her husband more than me, or think what I’m saying is a joke or that I’m lying just to cause a ruckus, etc. I am nowhere near wanting her to be that way, nor do I want to break their relationship and the likes.
I am simply seeking a resolution, a way to tell her the truth simply because I believe a wife deserves to know the truth from her own husband, whether it’s good or not. When I saw that he is in no way changing his behavior soon and he is also in no way going to tell her wife about it (and no one else is certainly going to), I thought that I should. Otherwise it would just go on until probably at some point he would hurt somebody again.

However, I totally see where you are coming from.
I might have intervened them too much now or caused too many pain already. I really have to re-consider many things before actually doing, or not doing, something that has a chance to affect a relationship strongly. For now, certainly, I’ll remove myself from his reach and will not get close to him any more.

I really, really appreciate your input. Thanks so much Ellie!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Carley.