Anita,
Thank you for your advice.
I don’t believe that I was interpreting her tone with my mothers. My mother isn’t judgemental, But…There is a similarity. I fully explain what I want, and it isn’t heard or I should say “A sense of relatedness” and saying, “I’ll do my best since it doesn’t make you feel good.” I always ask, “what is it that you want from me since this isn’t a one way street?” She doesn’t say anything and says that she has a very hard time asking for help or what she needs. Wait, she did mention that she wants to keep things light and fun. The thing is, we are spending a lot of time together, learning about each other, and I’m spending the night at her house a lot. I don’t mean to be so intense with her (even though I am intense and passionate), but I do need to address the way I’m feeling. She says that I’m beating a dead horse and that I keep creating arguements and that it’s too much too soon. I explained that it’s the same issue, (her tone, lack of compassion, or just the lack of response to my communicating with me while I open up to her). I explained that when she asks me questions and I really open to her and she doesn’t say anything, it doesn’t make me feel good. She says that she is processing the info. I explained that she just needs to say that versus saying nothing. I even explained to her that if she said something like, “wow, that must have really felt bad, or thank you for sharing, I know that it’s a sensitive issue for you”, I would have been totally cool. I know that I’m asking for someone to answer a way that I want and that may not be realistic. The thing is, that’s what I do for her. Also, when I open up to her, she seems to think that it’s something I’m doing wrong, (a similar feel I get with my step-mom).
She also mentioned (three times now) that my behavior will stop me from having any real relationship and that I will scare away women. I do listen to that as I want to grow and be a better person/partner, but I also have to listen to my gut.

If my ex-wife would have apologized to me for not hearing me and that she would do a better job working with me, it would have diffused a lot of my insecurity that she was going to leave and my anxiety.

I didn’t feel safe opening up to this woman as I felt she would judge me. Meaning, when I did explain an argument that I had with an ex, she would bring that up and have me look at my anger. Now, I don’t want to say I’m perfect and don’t have any issues, but I never felt that she totally had my back. Similar to how I feel about my father and step-mom. But…I did have a long talk with my dad/step-mom and that did help a little bit even though I don’t expect them to change. It felt good to be heard and not be defensive, which I felt with this woman.
Now, how can i learn from this, I’m not totally sure. I want to be aware of my shortcomings (fear of a woman leaving once they know me, potential unrealistic way of someone communicating with me, anger), but I also want to listen to my gut. I will watch my own tone with someone in the future while communicating my fears, or projecting my ex-wifes’s or parents behavior.

How do I really learn from this and my past relationships?
This woman says I need to go to therapy for not getting passed my ex.