Dear Meg:

Reads to me that this marriage is hopeless. It cannot be fixed for as long as he points the finger at you as the guilty one, the one with the issues. For as long as he is not willing to take responsibility for his behavior, for his (great) contribution to the troubles in the marriage- there is no hope. It will not matter if he finds the time to attend a counseling session, he is most very likely to be unwilling there to take any responsibility. He may even pretend to go-along and lie to the therapist, saying “the right” things, meaning none of them, and that will infuriate you, wouldn’t it?

From your description, he is a cold hearted man, not a loving man, and he is one of the many people whose stubborn MO is to point the finger at another: YOUR fault, your problem and none of my doing.

anita