Dear Shirley:

I hope Andrew and you will develop a closer relationship, so it benefits the two of you.

As to your questions:

1) How do you know that the people you are with are (capable of) just shallow relationships? Have conversations with them about what is important to them, their values, what motivates them. This will give you information about compatibility or lack of regarding values, motivations, passions.

2) How do you know people truly appreciate you and will embrace you with your flaws? Have conversations, listen to them as they talk to you, or to others: are they in the habit of negatively criticizing other people (who are not present) ? If so, they are likely to criticize you for you too (and you don’t need that!) If they talk kindly about others who are not present, they are likely to think and talk kindly about you too.

3) How do you get the courage to show your flaws instead of hiding them? There is no such thing as FLAWS, other than disrespectful/ abusive behavior. Neither you, Shirley, nor anyone else has bodily flaws, like a nose that is too big, or legs that are too thick or whatnot. If you are kind to other people, you are flawless, says I.

* You wrote that you are trying to “cover every flaw” and you “keep hiding” your flaws. Again, as long as you are not disrespectful/ abusive to others, you have no flaws. So this whole flaws issue is realistically, non-existent.

anita