Dear Yu:

I re-read your three posts on this thread. I understand your anxiety about the coming flight to China.

* If the flight can be postponed/ the tickets refunded, consider doing so.

If you will be flying with your father to China next week, make yourself as prepared as possible:

1. Talk to your father, asking him what exactly is his objective in China, what he wants to accomplish. I suppose he wants to make sure your boyfriend and you get married- but when?

2. Talk to your boyfriend- does he want to marry you? Is he intending to marry you soon, or when he gets a job, or when he is settled financially, at what time approximately?

See how #1 and #2 fit – or not- and let both sides know the situation (before the flight)

3. Tell your boyfriend it is okay for him to like or dislike anyone, that how we feel is not a matter of choice, but how we behave is. He must act respectfully toward your father even though he dislikes him. And, tell him, that your father needs to act respectfully toward him as well.

4. Tell your father that you are the one raised Muslim and it is you responsible for betraying the teaching about not having sex before marriage. Your boyfriend is not Muslim and was not raised Muslim, therefore, your boyfriend is not responsible for betraying the Muslim teaching. Let him know that he must act respectfully toward your boyfriend regardless of how he feels.

5. Make practical arrangement for the stay in China so that if there is a meltdown between your father and boyfriend, that there will be a comfortable place for him to stay while in China.

anita