Dear JayJay:

In your original post you wrote: “I watched her (ex best friend) do this once before, when she left her husband and moved in with the partner she had until recently…”- you just didn’t know she will do this again. Past behavior is often a reliable predictor of future behavior.

She probably liked you very much as a friend, but how can you compete with what he had to offer her: a way to get away from her moody boyfriend, a dissatisfactory relationship and live somewhere else, rent free, financially taken care of…?

Values such as honesty and loyalty- those values, if she practiced them (at times) before, she did as long as it didn’t cost her. If she was to practice those regarding you, she would have risked paying the price of rent-free, financial advantaged living. So she dropped those (at times practiced) values.

Regarding your obsessing about what to say to them if you meet them face to face- maybe you should meet them or send them a letter or an email and tell them what you need to tell them. Maybe that will free you from obsessing.

If you sent them a letter or an email- if you wrote such, what would you write? Would you like to try that?

anita