I see the connection between my relationship to my mother and my relationship to men. If I would confront my mother with my feelings of being abandoned she would get upset at me, blame me, get angry and deny everything. I would feel even worse about myself and sometimes she would use the things I said against me. She did it out of denial, shame and guilt, I don’t doubt it but even now she has not apologized for it. The man from ten years ago was very similar. Also never apologized for not showing up, made excuses, got angry when I confronted him. etc. My mother generally reacted poorly when I would confront her with my emotions. Consequently I would open up to other people but never my family. My father is different though. He is very present, we have a beautiful relationship and he is very honest. I can share with him my feelings and thought, but he always wants to find solutions right away, he is not much of a listener-type.

I don’t know what will help me to overcome this. I don’t want to share and open up with anyone who could then reject and leave me.