Hi Susannah, I hear your points. Pretty much see it the same. I would add something else that was brought to my attention. Single people in their 40s and 50s tend to be more avoidant than the population of singles who are in their 20s and 30s. Saying this in an exaggerated way just to make the point: “All the good ones are taken.”

Avoiders stay perpetually in the dating pool. Certainly that was true of my ex. And trying to be honest with myself, I have been single a long time so I have to examine whether *I* am avoiding closeness and commitment. I don’t think so – I crave a heart- and intellect-based intimacy, but I am cautious to be sure. Maybe at times my caution has gotten in the way. It’s part of my path to figure this out.