Jessica:

I can see you are in pain and see you wish that you could stop feeling this way.  You have had to deal with a lot and it seems you made decisions that you believed were right at the time.  Do not be too hard on yourself.  Maya Angelou used to say, “If I had known better, I would have done better.”  This is just part of being human.

I think its an important step that you can feel that something doesn’t feel like it used to be with your ex, even if you cannot quite put your finger on it.  Listen to your gut.  It’s wiser than you think. Many times if we are still and quiet and just give ourselves time to think and reflect we can be more in tune with what feels supportive, loving, kind and warm for us and what does not.

I can only speak from my own experience. I was with someone where what he called love and how he showed it after awhile really  didn’t feel like love to me.   While I could wish him the best, the type of forgiveness, I needed to give to stay with him required his genuine willingness to change. He said the magic words, but his actions showed he did not want to change–which was fine, but it meant I could not stay. When I see other women being treated well, I just know I can do better.

I encourage you to keep looking within and reflecting.  Also, if it’s possible, close your eyes and envision what you DO want for you and your 3 month old child.

It seems you have been blessed with different elders in your life who have been there for you at critical times.  Perhaps there is someone who has  been particularly helpful in the past that can guide you in answering the question what you really want.

Wishing you peace and the best,

Ryze