Hey Suz

I have felt the way you are feeling right now in the past. Deconstructing the past is useful in that it helps you understand the present, in why we react to situations in the way we do. However, for me another part of recovery has been giving myself access to the “missed childhood”. This means creating situations for “play” whatever that means for you. Go to the beach, run around like crazy. Go to music festivals or games. Places where you can be loud and uninhibited (childlike) but its still socially acceptable.  Just try to create positive experiences for yourself based on the type of things you like. Those experiences will help you learn who you are in a “non traumatic” setting. They will also help develop confidence in self expression.

Good luck!

M