Dear buddhaman:

You wrote: “Looking for advice on how to forgive myself”-

By healing best you can from your depression, by learning to take responsibility for your choices, by learning to resolve conflicts assertively, not aggressively, you will be able to treat other people fairly and kindly in the future. Too late to make it up to her family for the harm you caused them (they don’t want any contact with you, rightfully, not “partially rightfully”, but by learning and changing your future behavior when angry, you can earn self forgiveness.

Regarding “how to forgive… her”- consider that maybe she didn’t tell you that her relationship with you was completely over and that she was involved with another man because she was afraid of your reaction, a fear that was materialized.  (This is the only wrongdoing you are suggesting on her part, correct? That she didn’t tell you about the other man?)

* You will need to relearn the issue of responsibility for your choices:

You wrote: “I had fell into financial difficulties such as crashing my car coming to see her”- since it was your choice to drive to see her, she was not involved in the accident itself, she is not responsible for the crash.

And you wrote: “going flat broke mostly because… (I)spent too much money and time investing in the relationship and doing things for her”- again, because it was your choice to spend money on the relationship, she is not responsible for your money being spent.

anita

“how to forgive… her”