Hi Anita,

I’ve reread what you’ve written a few times today, I think it’s helped in me realizing the reality of the situation. I wanted so desperately for what he said and promised me to be true, that even now when confronted with evidence that he was never going to stay forever, it’s difficult to let go of that dream.

He told me was going to treat me better than any other man, so that we would always be together. But I can see now, with your analogy, he didn’t have the ability to care and nurture over time, just burn out and fade away.

I’m trying to remind myself that even if he had stayed a while longer, he doesn’t have the skills to be a good long term partner. I’m so envious whoever the current woman in his life is now, but as you say, it’s likely she won’t last, either.

Since this all has happened, I’ve been on dates with two other men. They both seem far more committed to being in a relationship, but I still find myself (as much as I wish I wouldn’t!) wishing it was him that I was sitting across, that none of this ever happened, that he had followed through with his promises. I see a picture of his face, and I’m transported back to all wonderful emotions I felt with him, then horribly sadness and pain that it is no longer. He was my ideal “type” and although he said last time I wasn’t his, unfortunately it didn’t change my preference for someone like him to be with me.

Do you think this will change within time? I’m worried that I will always feel the pain of him betraying, replacing, and rejecting me. And that I will always compare men to him, and they will never feel right. He was so beautiful, this perfect man of mine, I feel inconsolable that he’s now gone.