Hi Anita,

Thank you again for your continued support and advice on this. As I’ve reflected today, I still don’t feel like everything is adding up. I know the last time we spoke he said I wasn’t his “type”, but he had never brought this up before, and in fact, had always told me the exact opposite. He would compliment specific parts of me, and comment on how lucky he was to be with me. I understand that could have been during his infatuation stage, but does that really change so quickly?

I’m also confused by the ending of our relationship. I left his home on Tuesday morning, and by that evening, I had asked if everything was okay. He texted that it was but that he was concerned about making it to my city that weekend so soon, but I wasn’t satisfied and panicked and called him. He was aloof in that conversation, but I’m realizing now he would have felt bombarded (whether that’s appropriate or not). The next day he was quiet again, and this was the exchange we had:

Me: Were you trying to hint to me that you want to be single and I just missed it?

Him: I think so L. I’m just not sure I’m ready for this right now

Me: What happened or changed? I’m not upset with you, I’m just trying to understand.

Him: I think I just feel things moved too quickly… like I said last night. I need to put the brakes on, for the both of us. We’re alike in so many ways. We’re both rushing in.

Me: I get that for sure. I was hoping we could do that and take things slowly, I think what we have is special. But are you thinking you would rather end things altogether?

Him: Yeah… we do. I don’t know. Give me some time this morning please. I have a lot to do and to think about

Me: Of course. Hope you have a good morning.

We talked later that night, he still seemed distant, but he said he wanted to continue seeing me. When I asked if he wanted to date anyone else too, he said no. However, the next day is when I began to notice his snapchat score increasing quickly, which meant he was talking to someone other than me. On Thursday, after 2 days now of him being aloof but still warm (ex. Would still call me “baby”, ask how my day was, etc.) I couldn’t handle the suspicion anymore. I asked him if he could be honest with me, if was interested in someone else. He didn’t answer, and I panicked again and called him. He didn’t answer my call, but later when I said “please tell me the truth so I can move on” (hoping he would ask me not to) he said “I’m sorry L. I think that would be best”.

I’ve read a lot of literature on the initial stages of dating and how men tend to pull away, and how it’s beneficial if you give them space rather than panicky and try to “fix” it or chase them. I’m debating with myself if that happened here, or if my gut instinct led me to confront him on the issue that would have happened eventually or not.

I know a month isn’t very long, but I can’t help feeling like given his current pattern, it seems to be much longer than usual. To me, it feels like (at least at one point), I was his type, his “dream woman” as he put it, and wanted to be with me long term (with all the promises he was making me, such as saying our “monthiversary” was going to be one of many. This was just 4 days before we broke up). I wonder now, did I have a role in things ending this way, and could things have been different if I had been more calm and aloof myself? I worry that I presented myself as needy and desperate at the end, when throughout the relationship, I had not.

More almost as though he completely lost value in me overnight, and I have never experienced that drastic of a change before. I feel very stuck to understanding that part of things. I think that you are right that I miss the love, care, and attention he provided for me. I’m worried now, more than ever and with my relationship experience, if I sustain any relationship with a man to do that and not abandon me.